


Taking it easy. (Sequel to Europe is our oyster.)

by mordredllewelynjones



Series: Batjokes travel series. [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: America, Angst, Cute, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, New Orleans, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-09 22:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12285378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredllewelynjones/pseuds/mordredllewelynjones
Summary: Sequel to Europe is our oyster. Batjokes, established relationship. AU. Possibly O.O.C. Also on Wattpad.It's six months on and they are still together which something that neither of them expected. Still trying to adjust to their new life a reforming Joker and a slow to trust Bruce Wayne decide to give Gotham a break in favour of the streets of New Orleans. (I had no idea what to write for the summary, sorry.)NO sex in this story. Not recommended for under 12s due to fight scenes and innuendos.IMPORTANT!!! This story is written in first person from two view points. Batsy/Bruce's point of view will be in bold font and Joker's will be in italic.Please note: I have never been to New Orleans and although I put in months of research there may still be some inaccuracies either by mistake or due to artistic licence.All artwork belongs to author. Please do not repost without permission.





	1. Six months later.

 

 **I'm walking** **down the same street. Dark, filthy and painfully familiar. Screams bounce of the walls, ringing in my ears. Gunshots, camera flashes and the sound of a crow bar hitting a persons ribs join the horrific symphony as I break into a run. I have to make it stop. Then my mother and father are suddenly standing next to me. I stare at their smiling faces helplessly, knowing that any second it's going to happen and that I'll be powerless to stop it. Just as it's reaching a crescendo the echoing soundtrack of death and destruction stops abruptly to leave an unnatural silence. One that is soon filled.**

**BANG BANG!**

**I watch as they fall backwards, my mothers pears cascading to the floor as they do so. The puddles of rain are tainted red with blood as my parents bleed out, dead at my feet. Pain consumes me that's so strong that I feel like I'm going to explode. I want to scream and cry but I cant so I drop to my knees beside them and hold myself tight, trying to contain it. Then a high manic laugh pierces the air. My head snaps back up to look at the gunman. Joker is standing before me, the still smoking gun pointing directly at my head. Filled with rage I jump up and suddenly there is a gun in my hands too. Now Crime Alley is more than just my parents death bed, it's filled with others equally devoid of life. Hundreds of them. Jason is close by and so is Barbara, she is not dead but the look on her face speak of more pain than words ever could. Still he continues to laugh. My vision goes red and without thinking I shoot. As he crumples I watch as the evil, twisted grin falls away to be replaced by a truly heartbroken expression and it's then that I remember. This is the man I love. I rush forward but I'm too late, he's dead before I reach him. Crime Alley falls away. All that's left is darkness and a single spot light under which the bodies of three people I care about lie at my feet. The warm gun is still in my hand.**

 

 

**I wake with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. I'm biting down so hard on my fist in a attempt to stop myself rom crying out that I draw blood. A couple of rogue tears fall unbidden down my cheeks as I take long, deep breaths. No matter how many times I have that nightmare it's still painful. Heart still racing I glance at my alarm clock. 5:30 AM. I've only been asleep for a couple of hours but there is not much point trying to drop off again, I have to get up in half an hour anyway. Trying my best to shake the disturbing sounds and images from my mind I shower and get dressed. Then, feeling miserable, I make my way downstairs in search of breakfast.**

**"Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. A herd of rampaging elephants would make less mess. What did he do, set a blow torch to the place? Oh, actually I think he might have."**

**"What's the matter Alfred?" I ask as I enter the kitchen but a quick glance round answers my question. Cupboards sit open with their contents strewn all over the floor, a layer of crushed egg shells and sugar covering the room. One of the cupboard doors looks like it has been used for knife throwing practice (if the three knives still wedged into the wood are any indication) and to top it off there is a large burn mark, definitely caused by a blow torch, running along the surface of one of the worktops. Alfred glares at me, hands on hips. I don't know what to say. Looking around desperately I notice a green box with a purple ribbon sitting in the centre of the kitchen table. I open it cautiously but man pleasantly surprised. A large pile of bat shaped chocolate biscuits are inside along with a note reading: "I got bored in the night so I made you breakfast. I love you Batsy! Joker."**

**There is a red lipstick kiss on the corner of the note. With a fond smile I take a, admittedly nervous, bite. They're actually not that bad although they are slightly burnt. "Not so much as an apology" Alfred scoffs when I show him. He shakes his head. "I'll have a word with him about it" I assure my long suffering butler, knowing that J will just find the whole thing hilarious. "I should whack him around the head with a frying pan and make him clean it up himself" Alfred mutters under his breath angrily. "Sure, go ahead. Although if I might make a suggestion, whack him around the head afterwards. He cant clean if he is unconscious" I reply with a smirk. Alfred rolls his eyes and reaches for the kettle, then he cries out in disgust. "Egg shells in the kettle! Why?! I'm sure he's doing it just to annoy me" he rants, shoving the kettle under my nose. I stuff a biscuit in my mouth and give a non committal shrug. "Oh well, I'm sure egg flavoured coffee will be just as nice as ordinary" he adds with a sly smile. I gag on my mouthful at the thought. "Perhaps I should see about getting a kitchen fitted down his end of the house to help keep him out of your way" I suggest hastily, still grimacing. "Now there's a bright idea, truly inspired" says Alfred, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Ok, well I'll get that sorted out for you today then" I tell him. Then, bidding him farewell, I set off for work.**

***************************************************************

****Work is as dull as ever. How some people can do nothing in their lives other than go to boring meetings without going insane baffles me. I can just about focus if it is something about the Wayne Foundation, something that will help the city, but today there is no such luck. I zone out and inevitably come to dwell on my recurring nightmare.** **

****I know what it means. Anyone can see it's about my relationship tearing my family and the city apart. My relationship with a homicidal maniac responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people, including my son. I'm terrified of hurting my family, of disappointing my parents but at the same time just as worried about hurting J because despite everything I still love him. I've spent many years trying not to. ** **Is it possible to make it work? To have a family, protect the city and be with the man I love? I sigh wearily. My personal life is messier than Alfred's kitchen. Still, I cant change the past no matter how much I may want to. My only option is to carry on and try and make the right choices.****** **

********"What do you have to say Mr Wayne?"** ** ** **

********I come back to earth to find everyone staring at me expectantly. There's a pause. "I agree with Lucius" I say finally, falling back on my fail safe plan for meetings. "Well if that's everything then I think we'll end the meeting here" I add. Everyone packs up and starts to leave. "Mr Wayne!" Jefferson, one of the main board representatives, calls as I exit the room. I turn and find him and his associate, Burns, running after me. "What can I do for you gentleman?" I ask politely, hoping it wont take too long. "Have you had a chance to fill in those forms I gave you?" Jefferson asks urgently. He looks stern, he's the sort of person who couldn't stop thinking about work if his life depended on it. I manage not to groan but it's not easy. I just want to enjoy my lunch break. "Luckily I finished them earlier this morning. I'll just go and fetch them for you" I reply then I lead the way to my office. Hopefully this wont take to long. "Perhaps we could quickly readdress some of the major points of the meeting whilst we are here. I have some plans which you may find interesting" he informs me as I push the door open. He and Burns stop dead in the doorway and a second later I realise why.** ** ** **

********"I'm sorry, Mr Rich Boy can't come to the phone right now. Can I reschedule your call for next October?" Joker chirps down the phone in a voice that resembles that of a receptionist you see on tv shows. There is a pause then he slams the phone down. "Some people have no patience" he mutters, then turns to face me with a smile. Despite the awkward silence I can't help but be pleased to see him. "Miss Glasson has gone to get herself some coffee so I thought I'd fill in for he whilst she was gone. Luckily I was dressed for the occasion" he grins, leaning seductively against the desk and showing of his 40s style dress. I feel my cheeks go pink. For some reason I find it much harder to hide my feelings out of the mask and he knows it which is why he flirts with "Bruce Wayne" in public every chance he gets. "So Brucie, do you want to go and get some lunch?" Joker ask conversationally. Suddenly remembering what I came in for I head behind my desk and start shuffling through papers. "I'd like to J but I can't, I'm too busy. My lunch break only lasts for 20 minutes anyway" I reply sadly. I look up at him notice the wicked glint in his eyes. "Oh well" he says lightly, then he spreads himself on top of my desk in a sexy pose and whispers "we could always play businessman and secretary instead. We might be able to fit that into 20 minutes if you are feeling ambitious." I go bright red with embarrassment and he smirks. I can hear Jefferson and Burns making disapproving tuts and gagging noises from across the room. The population of Gotham were less than thrilled about Joker being released from Arkham and the fact that Bruce Wayne had decided to take him in and act as his guardian/parole officer was considered cause for concern. Quite frankly they think I'm insane for getting so close to the Joker. They'd cause a riot if they knew the truth. Shooting an evil look at my co-workers I make my, reckless, decision. "Actually I've changed my mind. Let's go and have dinner" I announce with a smile. Grabbing J by the hand I head out of the door, roughly shoving the papers into Jefferson's hands with out even looking at him as I pass. "Here are your papers. You know where you can stick them" I mutter. Joker bursts out laughing.** ** ** **

******** ** **

 

 

_Watching as the stuffy business men turn delightful shades of green and puce I let Bruce drag me, laughing, out of the room. He may not be any good at actual jokes but Bruce has a lovely snarky sense of humour. I always savour each moment he makes a snarky comment, a habit left over from the old days when it was one of the few things that reminded that Batman was human. "So where to?" Bruce asks once we are outside. Motioning for him to get in I hop into my purple convertible and soon we are speeding off down the road. I gaze happily as we hurtle along, admiring the way his black hair is ruffled by the wind and the way his blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight. I still can't believe we are together, it just doesn't seem real._

_"Look out!"_

_Bruce grabs the steering wheel as we swerve round a lamppost with a deafening screech. He throws me an angry look as I shriek with laughter but I'm having too much fun to care. I'd forgotten how much I missed this. The danger, the excitement, the adrenalin rush.  We drive across the bridge over to Bludhaven. It's crazy to think how much time I've spent searching for this place but then when it comes to me and Bats I always like things to be perfect. I pull the car to stop outside an abandoned building and lead the way up onto the roof. "What do you think? Quite a view isn't it?" I ask him brightly as we look out to the horizon. "It's brilliant" he whispers, mouth slightly open with surprise. "I thought you'd like it. I know how much you like that  city of yours" I mutter quietly with a smile as I gaze at the perfect, panoramic view of Gotham before us. "You really went all out" Bruce says as we sit down to the picnic I set up before hand "what do you want?" He throws me a suspicious look. I glare at him, feeling hurt. Why can't he just accept the fact that I just want to do something nice for him?!  "I just wanted to spend time with you" I reply tensely. An awkward silence follows. I can't believe things are still like this, it drives me mad! Taking a deep breath I force myself to think about things rationally, not one of my talents. After decades of fighting it's only natural for there to still be some barriers between us. Still, I don't like it. "Do you want to talk about it?" Bruce asks suddenly, obviously noticing that I am less than happy. I turn and see him staring at me, concern not quite hidden behind his usual emotionless mask. The question reminds me forcefully and unexpectedly of Harley which makes me feel ten times worse. "Do you? I can't be the only one fed up of this" I say spitefully. Why am I doing this? It's like I am trying to start a fight. Maybe I am. In a fight I know what I'm doing._

_He considers it for a moment then to my amazement starts to speak. "Alright. I've been thinking a lot lately about you and me. About what lies ahead for us. I know you're frustrated and I can understand why but I'm still trying to figure things out. Like how I'm supposed to keep you, my family and Gotham safe all on my own. I want to make sure that I do the right thing but I don't know what that is yet. I never planned on being in such a serious relationship, especially with you. I'm still adjusting to it all" he blurts out, staring resolutely out over the city. This outburst unsettles me. I know I said I wanted to talk but Bruce hardly ever talks back, if he does reach out  then you can bet it's a bad sign. "Are you breaking up with me?" I ask quietly before I can stop myself. It's out in the open, the thing that's been on my mind since we got together. "No J! Of course not. I said I wanted to be with you and I meant it. Is this what all this is about?" he demands but there is a tender look in his eyes. There's a long silence and I heave a heavy sigh._

_"It's not just that although that does bother me constantly. You have enough to deal with without me messing things up and I guess I just expect for you to decide that you have had enough. I wouldn't blame you if you did, I'm not exactly an easy person to be with. Just ask Harley. I destroy everything I touch and that's when I'm trying my best to keep hold of it!  My idea of how to show you I loved you was to try and kill you! Still, you and me ruling Gotham by night. At least that was a game I knew how to play. Now though, I just don't seem to fit in anywhere. You can survive out here in the real world, just about, but I don't think I can. I keep trying but it just isn't working. It's just too much and I can't stand it! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."  
_

_Laughing manically as I stand on the edge of the roof I look down at the street below. It isn't until I feel Bruce's arms wrap around me that I realise I'm crying too. I'm supposed to be trying to return to sanity yet I'm having more mood swings than I can count. Perhaps that's what happens when you live with someone as emotionally constipated as Batman, you start having extra feelings of your own to compensate. For once though he's not as cold and distance as usual, perhaps I'm rubbing off on him. "I can only stand it because I've learned to. Before Batman I had no interest in life at all, I have to have a purpose otherwise I can't see any point to anything" he murmurs, his face buried in my hair. Leaning against him I slowly start to calm down. He's not usually this open or affectionate and it's quite comforting. "Hey Bats?" I ask. He nods and I continue._

_" _I was wondering, considering how much I like to spend time with you and seeing as you don't have any of your orphan bird pals helping you protect Gotham at the moment, how would you feel about me joining you on the night shift?"__

__I try to sound as though I'm joking so that I'll be able to take it back if he takes it the wrong way. Bruce lets go of me suddenly, spins me round and stares at me intently. "Are you serious?!" he growls in his most dangerous Batman voice. Good I've missed it. I grin and shrug. "Because I need to be able to trust you if we are going to do this" he adds, glaring at me sceptically. "Sure I am. Now I'm not going to insult your intelligence by claiming to be interested in the whole justice thing. You and I both know I don't really care either way. The fact is that plain civilian life just doesn't suit me but seeing as we can't go back to the way things were I might as well help you out. At least then I'll get a slice of the action" I finish in a rush. "Are sure it's not because you're jealous of the fact that Catwoman might try and flirt with me whilst I'm on patrol?" he asks with a smirk. "I am not!" I snap which is a total lie. He laughs. Glancing over at his beloved city he thinks it over and finally comes to a decision. "I must be crazy but alright" he says "but if you start causing trouble then that's it. No second chances. Understand?" I gape at him in astonishment. I never expected him to say yes._ _

_We pack up the car and head back over the bridge into Gotham. "Well thanks for lunch J. It was nice" Bruce lies as we come skidding to a halt outside Wayne Tower. He gets out of the car and leans against the door. Bruce is a great liar but he'll never be able to lie to me. "It was an emotional train wreck" I laugh "we just cant seem to get dinner right can we?" He shakes his head. There's a long pause. I watch his internal struggle as he tries to force himself to speak. "Oh for gods sake Bruce! Spit it out already or we'll be here all day!" I groan dramatically. He throws me a look then he glances nervously at the floor. This must be big. I swallow and try to hide my fear behind a smile. "Listen J, I just want to you to know that I'll stay with you no matter what. If things go back to the way they were then I'll still want to be with you. we've already been through the worst together and if necessary then I can do it again. Of course we'd be on opposite sides of the law and I'd have to do whatever was the right thing but it wouldn't change my feelings for you.  I'd still be your boyfriend." Feeling both shocked and extremely touched I try to speak but he holds a hand up to stop me._

_"Also, I want you to know that if there is anything you need then you just have to say. If you need help or if you feel like you need to move out or even go back to Arkham for some reason then that is ok. I'd still spend time with you if you wanted me to. All I want is for us to be happy even if it's not in the traditional way."_

_Finally he looks me in the eyes and I can tell that he has been thinking about this for a long time. Rather than try and put my mixed up feelings into words I lean forward and pull him into a passionate kiss. After all this time every kiss we share still feels as wonderful as the first.  I guess no matter what our other problems may be Bats and I have never lacked chemistry. "I love you" I murmur, breaking the kiss for a fraction of a second to do so before placing my lips tenderly back onto his. "I love you too" he gasps when we are finally to starved for air to continue. Now I come to think of it suffocating to death whilst he kissed me would actually be quite a nice way to die. I wont mention it to him though, he'd find it too morbid. He brushes his hair out of his eyes as his cheeks go pink, the signature batsmirk playing upon his lips. "So, will I be seeing you tonight?" he asks, looking serious once more. I laugh. "I should hope so seeing as we live together" I tease "but yes. We'll be spending some time together this evening. All those things you said were lovely but they just reminded me that I'm still much happier now than I was before. I'm not going to go back to the past now no matter how frustrated I get." Bruce nods and I can tell he is secretly relieved. With a parting wave he makes his way over to the office doors. "See you later tight arse!" I call over my shoulder, watching him turn bright red in the rear view mirror as I start the car and speed off._

 

 

 

 


	2. Happily ever after is never easy.

 

**I must be absolutely insane. What could have possessed me for me to think that taking Joker out on patrol would be a good idea? Perhaps I should ask Alfred to have the two of us committed to Arkham asylum before any actual damage can be done. I'm sure a part of him must already want to. "Ready to head out sir?" he asks as I pull on my cowl. Having managed to sort out the kitchen fiasco from this morning I really don't want to annoy him further by letting him know what an idiot I am. Perhaps I can keep it from him somehow I tell myself, knowing full well that such an idea is bordering on delusional. Before I can figure out a response to Alfred's question the sound of hurried footsteps echoes down the staircase. "I'm ready when you are Batsy" Joker cries excitedly as he skips into the room having changed into one of his usual purple suits. Apparently dresses don't have the necessary amount of pockets for crime fighting. "Please tell me this isn't what I think it is" Alfred pleads as Joker hops into the Batmobile. I shrug, avoiding his gaze. "Sir, I urge you to reconsider" he presses on. I open my mouth to reply but Joker gets in first. "Give it a rest Alfie, it's perfectly safe. I've taken my meds and everything" he calls with a smile that does little to inspire confidence. Groaning I jump into the Batmoblie and drive away before things escalate into a full blown argument. "Your butler is out to get me. Did you see that look he gave me? He's going to slit my throat in the dead of night I just know it" J says, glancing over his shoulder in a paranoid fashion as we zoom out of the Batcave. "He's just looking out for me that's all" I tell him "he did raise me as a child. You just have to accept that he's going to find my relationship with a mass murderer rather worrying." "FORMER mass murderer if you don't mind. I haven't killed anyone in ages" J pouts. I glance at him surreptitiously, surprised that it bothered him. I didn't think he'd really been taking his rehabilitation that seriously. There's a pause.**

****"Wait a minute. So Alfie is your surrogate father?! That explains a lot. All this time I thought he was just a nosey busy body who didn't know when he'd stepped over the line. You really should tell me these things you know, it makes things a lot easier" J chides me with a smile "we shouldn't keep secrets." I roll my eyes, suddenly angry. This really isn't a discussion I want to have right now. "Alright, fine. If you're so determined for there to be no secrets between us then you should know that I'm giving up almost everything for you. My friends think I'm crazy and the Robins, who are effectively my kids, don't want to speak to me anymore. The fact that we have managed to last this long without Jason trying to kill you is a miracle. No one approves of this relationship and if you expect that to change any time soon then forget it. Now can we please get back to work?" I snap. I expect him to protest but he doesn't, he just stares into space.** **

****By the time we reach the centre of Gotham however the atmosphere is too tense to bare. "Lets go" I growl. Getting out of the car I head down a back alley and use one of the fire escape ladders to get onto the roof. He follows me closely, a fact I take note of with great relief. A part of me had expected him to run or pull some crazy trick but I'm pleasantly surprised. Confident that there wont be any trouble I quicken my pace as I leap across the rooftops. Joker may not be as flexible as the Robins but he makes up for it in speed and manages to keep up effortlessly. Gotham is uncharacteristically quiet tonight. The most going on are a couple of corner shop robberies but the police have already dealt with them by the time I get there. So for several hours it's just a regular patrol. As I perch on top of one of Gotham's many gargoyles however, the beautiful silence is finally broken. To be honest I'm amazed it lasted this long, it must be a new world record. "I now you are going to get mad about this Bats but hear me out ok. Has it ever occurred to you that you might have dissociative personality disorder or something similar?" Joker asks conversationally. He sits himself down on one of the other gargoyles and swings his legs absently. I glare at him in disgust. I don't want to talk about this and especially not with him.** **

****"Now don't look at me like that! I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I know loads of people with personality issues, I myself have more personalities than I can count. That's what one of the doctors at Arkham said anyway, they never could settle on a diagnosis. Between you and me I think that particular orderly might have been a quack. Anyway, the point is I've known Batman for a LONG time and although I'm still getting to know the other you I'm certain they are different people. There's certainly more to it than the whole secret identity cover and superhero act that's for sure. They say childhood trauma can do that to someone. I was just wondering whether you had ever given it any thought."** **

****Furious I lift him up by the coat collar with a snarl. I'm not sure what I'm planning to do next but before I can act I see the batsignal lighting up the night sky. "Damn, things were just starting to get interesting" J whines as I drop him on the floor. Ignoring him completely I use my grappling hook to swing off in the direction of the batsignal. It's not until I'm almost there that I realise that I have probably left him stranded but before I can turn back I hear Commissioner Gordon calling up to me. I have no choice but to land and trust that Joker will catch up although a part of me hopes he doesn't. Despite the fact that he hasn't actually done anything wrong I am deeply regretting bringing him along. "What's the problem Commissioner?" I ask as I drop down beside Gordon. "The Gotham City Sirens are held up in the bank. We've managed to contain them mid heist but it's pandemonium in there. We could really use your help bringing them in" he replies gravely. "Leave it to me" I tell him as I swing away, soaring up to the top of the building.** **

****Making quick work of the two henchmen posted as guards I head down through the upper levels of the bank towards the lobby, incapacitating the various thugs I encounter as easily as the first. Skulking in the shadows I approach the edge of the balcony over hanging the cavernous lobby of the Gotham National Bank. The place is crawling with goons but they are the least of my worries. Poison Ivy has almost the entire area covered with villainous greenery, if anything is going to cause me problems it will be that. Taking a deep breath I leap into action. "Look alive girls, I told you he'd show up" Catwoman yells, drawing every ones attention to me. The next second I'm surrounded by armed henchmen. Reacting instantly I lash out, countering every blow and disarming them one by one. With in a few minutes most of them have fallen.** **

****"Get out of it Bat-bully, don't think that I'm going to let you spoil our fun!"** **

****Harley Quinn comes flying out of no where and I only just manage to dodge her in time. I have to keep reminding myself that she is stronger than she looks as I prize her hammer from her grasp with difficulty. Catwoman joins the fray and I feel her whip crack across my cheek, drawing blood. I back flip behind them, planning to take them down before they can realise what's going on but that's when my luck runs out. "I've had enough of this!" Poison Ivy cries as a thick vine winds itself so tightly around my torso that I can barely breath. "What are we going to do with him Red?" Harley asks excitedly. Before Ivy can reply however, Joker makes his dramatic entrance.** **

****

 

 

 

_I watch as Ivy leans in, ready to pronounce the death sentence. It's now or never. "Think fast Bats!" I scream as I force my way out of the ventilation shaft and tumble through the air. Twisting around mid fall I carefully take aim and fire. As I land I hear a delightful screech as the plants wither and die, leaving Poison Ivy defenceless. Batsy struggles free of his deteriorating bonds and springs into action. Unfortunately he's not the only one with reinforcements. Some of the less damaged thugs are coming round and returning to the fight. Giggling with delight I rush in to save my darling bat, not that he appreciates it. "What do you think you're doing?! I said no guns!" he bellows angrily as he smashes an oncoming assailant to a pulp. There is one rule that everyone close to Batman, apart from Alfred, has to follow and that rule is no guns. I roll my eyes dramatically. "Relax Bats, it's just extra concentrated weed killer compacted into bullets. How else do you think I managed to stop that foul foliage?" I retort, using said gun to smack someone around the head. He gives me a disapproving look but doesn't pursue the subject. He's probably a bit too busy at the moment. The few fools that had joined in for round two are quickly dropping like flies but the Sirens are still going strong. I don't know what's gotten into him but Batsy is hardly keeping up, we're losing fast. I guess it's my time to shine. Grabbing Batman firmly by the arm I whirl him round to face me and slap a gas mask on his face before he can react. "You two are dead" Harley snarls, picking up her hammer and twirling it menacingly. "The show is not over until the fat lady sings" I say, grinning at her. Then I reach into my pocket and throw an assortment of brightly coloured smoke bombs onto the floor where they explode. The effect is instantaneous. I watch with satisfaction as Catwoman and the remaining three goons double up with laughter and collapse on the floor, twisted smiles stretched across their faces._

_WHAM! I'm knocked to the floor as Harley's hammer collides with the side of my head. Blood dripping down the side of my face I swing my leg round and am lucky enough to unbalance her. "Over to you Bats" I call as I roughly shove her in his direction. Then I turn my attention to Poison Ivy. "Did you seriously think you could stop us with your silly Joker gas? You must be as crazy as everyone says, crazy or stupid" she sneers. She takes a step closer. "I'm going to enjoy finishing you off, making you pay for everything you ever did to Harley" Ivy growls, eyes glinting with the dangerous sparkle of murder. I've seen that look before, I've seen it in the mirror almost every day of my life. "Oh I'm sure you'd love to do me in but unfortunately for you I have other plans" I reply, lunging forwards. Laughing happily I watch her scream as the joy buzzer on my hand sends a powerful electric shock surging through her. I manage to stop myself before I go too far but it's hard. Ivy falls to the floor, unconscious. The air is finally clearing up and Batman doesn't waste a second in ripping his gas mask off so that he can start hassling me. "You lunatic! Look at what you've done!" he yells as he pins me up against the wall. I raise my eyebrows. "I am looking but you're not. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?" I reply calmly. He looks at me in confusion. I motion for him to go and examine the people around us and he grudgingly obeys. "They're alive" he mutters after he has finished checking everyone. "Clearly that Worlds Greatest Detective mug of yours tells no lies" I say with an amused yet angry smile. Talk about ungrateful. Not so much as an apology. "It wasn't easy you know, mixing your smoke bomb recipe with my laughing gas and making sure that it wasn't lethal. Luckily I had a lot of time to perfect it. Harley was a surprise though. I wonder why she wasn't affected" I continue as the big bad bat puts handcuffs on our unconscious companions. "My guess is that Ivy has given something to make her immune to all toxins" he replies. Having made sure that everything and everyone is secure we head outside to talk to the police. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared._

_"What's he doing here?!" Commissioner Gordon shouts over the sound of dozens of guns aiming at me. "Hey Jimbo, long time no see" I giggle nervously, raising my hands above my head at the speed of light. You can tell by the look on his face that he'd like nothing better to shoot me and I can't say I blame him. However, he has amazing self control. Despite everything I'm probably more likely to shoot myself than he is to shoot me. Talk about a strong moral code. "Joker is with me" Batman rumbles, staring down some of the more trigger happy officers. At least they are sensible. "In more ways than one" I add with a wink "not that that stops him from abandoning me on a rooftop without even offering me a lift" I continue angrily. I glare at him. Gordon looks back and forth between the two of us then groans. He looks like a man who has just had his worst fears realised. He motions for the other officers to put down their weapons  which they do very reluctantly. I breath a sigh of relief and slowly lower my arms. "I thought you'd be smarter than this Batman. When I heard about you and the Joker I didn't want to believe it. I kept telling myself that it couldn't be true, not after everything that monster has done. Still, I told myself that no matter what you would never let him interfere with your work protecting Gotham but I guess I was wrong. I'm disappointed in you son" says the Commissioner sadly. "I know how this looks but I've got it under control. Trust me, I'd never consider letting him get this close if I didn't think I could handle it. Besides, Joker saved me from Poison Ivy and helped take down the bank robbers. He fought on our side of the law today" Bats replies with authority. "Which is why they will probably need to go into intensive care!" Gordon snaps "Yes, today he was on our side but what about tomorrow? We have no way of telling when he'll decide to turn round and stab you in the back. I just hope you know what you're doing but to be honest I'm not very confident. I always thought you had a soft spot  for him and I was right. I'm giving you one chance. If he goes of the rails, even if it's just once, I'm bringing you BOTH in for good. If I didn't owe you so much I'd do it right now." There is a deadly pause. I fiddle with the buttons on my jacket and wait for Batman to finish it, to hand me over to the police and end this madness. Instead he reaches out and wraps his arm around my waist. "Thank you Commissioner, I appreciate it" he grunts then he fires his grappling hook and the next thing I know we are soaring through the air. "Thanks for sticking up for me" I murmur. "Just don't make me regret it" he warns._

_The journey to the Batmobile and the following ride home are spent in torturous silence. I'm desperate to tell a joke to defuse the tension but I can tell that now is not a good time. As soon as we get back to the Batcave he jumps out of the car and heads for the stairs. "good night Batsy" I call desperately. Turning round he comes over to me and plants a small kiss on my cheek. "Good night J" he says listlessly then leaves. I know I've done something to upset him but I can't figure out what. Laughter wells up inside me so strong that I can't stop it and soon I'm laughing so much that it hurts. Then my eyes fall on the glass case and the cackling dies down immediately. I rest my head against the glass and stare at the former Robin suit of Jason Todd. It used to be funny but it's not anymore, now it makes me sick._

_"What are you doing?"_

_I look out of the corner of my eye to see Alfred glaring at me. Thinking carefully  about what I'm going to say next I back away from the memorial slowly. "Look, I know I'm the last person you want hanging around and god knows I'm not the sort of person you want to see your kid get involved with. Quite frankly I'm the opposite. The fact still remains that despite all the things I've done Batsy chose me. Even I think he's crazy for doing it! He's willingly given me a chance though and I intend to try and worthy of it if I can" I reply steadily. I can't stop looking at the abandoned Robin suit, it's like there is a ghost in the room. Perhaps that's the idea. "I never really thought of them as children" I blurt out suddenly._

_"They were just toys or soldiers. I never saw them as kids and it never occurred to me that they were HIS. I assumed they were just his allies, not his family. At the time I thought it was hilarious to mess with them , just one big joke, but now? Now it's not funny at all. I don't know how he can manage to put up with me considering how much I must have hurt him. I can see why you hate me Alfred but news flash, I HATE MYSELF TOO!" I scream inches from his face. My voice echoes eerily around the cave, making me gasp. I shudder involuntary, there's is nothing like a dose of reality to kill the mood. Alfred scrutinises me for a moment the barks "Follow me." I don't have the guts to refuse. Right from the beginning I've had the feeling that only a fool would pick a fight with this old butler. We head up to the infirmary and he pushes me don into a chair. I'm about to ask what he plans to do to me when a searing pain in my head stops me. Instinctively I lash out, intent on strangling him but I manage to hold myself back with difficulty. I settle for giving him an evil look."Yes, it will sting" Alfred says dryly as he wipes off the caked blood from the side of my head and in my hair. "Why are you doing this?" I ask moodily, trying to ignore the stinging sensation. He sighs heavily. "Over the years Master Bruce has done some questionable things, dressing up as a giant bat every night being one of them, but I have learnt from experience that it's best to trust him. I have to admit that when I found out that you and he were in a relationship I was disappointed to say the least. When you actually moved in I was appalled and not because of the abominable mess you make in my kitchen. I've been wondering recently whether Master Bruce has descended into a madness that he cannot overcome but now I think I am willing to wait and see what happens. Perhaps he isn't so crazy for wanting you in his life after all. I may not trust you but I still trust him and I have to say it's nice to see him happy. As much as it pains me to say it there hasn't been a time when I have been less worried about one of his love interests using him than I am now. You, regardless of your other less endearing qualities, do honestly love him which is more than can be said for some of his other past acquaintances" he replies at length.  I let this information sink in._

_"I have to say I'm surprised. How could anyone fail to love such a handsome bat? I guess he was just too complicated for them to understand. Still, I wouldn't say I make him happy exactly. He doesn't seem very happy at the moment anyway" I mutter with a sad smile. "Master Bruce never has been very good at dealing with his emotions. No doubt you just said something that set him off, it's an easy mistake to make" he tells me calmly. Casting my mind back I try to remember what we were talking about hen he started getting stroppy. "I was saying about how he never told e that you were like his surrogate father and telling him that we shouldn't have secrets then he started talking about how none of the Robins want to know him anymore" I whisper, experiencing a sudden moment of clarity. Alfred groans. "Well there you are. You managed to bring up two unpleasant trains of thought for him at the same time, well done" he drawls. I stick my tongue out at him spitefully. He glares at me, a stare back unabashed. Alfred raises an eyebrow but makes no comment. "Hey Alfie" I say after a pause, deciding to change the conversation slightly "do you think Bruce might have a personality disorder of some sorts? I think he does but when I mentioned it to him earlier he didn't seem to like the idea all that much." "Good lord, why no one has fitted you with a gag is beyond me" Alfred cries, heading for the door. He makes no attempt to hide his annoyance when I follow him. "Look, the fact that we both agree that Bruce and Batman are too different for it to be a simple case of protecting his secret identity is beside the point. Any mention of personality disorders just reminds him of his old friend Harvey Dent. He becomes so consumed by the guilt he feels for being unable to save him that he is unable to listen to what you are actually saying. If you have any sense you wont bring up that particular topic of conversation with him again. It will do us all a favour" Alfred snaps harshly, obviously feeling protective of Bruce's feelings. I remember seeing things in the paper years ago about Bruce Wayne and the Harveys but I had never really stopped to think about it until now. "Perhaps he's worried that if he admits that he might have a problem that he might succumb to it just like the Harveys did" I think out loud, things starting to make sense. Alfred nods then reaches for the handle on his bedroom door. "Hey, we haven't finished talking!" I shriek, moving to block his way. Folding his arms he announces "Yes we have. It's 2 AM and I need to rest. I'm not your servant and I'm certainly not your therapist. I appreciate that you are trying to help but I am not prepared to stay up all night listening to your ramblings. Good night Joker." With a surprising show of force for an older man he pushes me out of the way then retreats into his room and shuts the door behind him._

_I have a half a mind to barge in and have a go at him but I lose interest before I can commit to the idea. Instead I make my way over to my side of the house, muttering darkly. Sometimes it's so hard not killing people. Plonking myself down in front of the tv that is always on I gaze up at the ceiling. It might be hard to believe but it was actually my idea for me to have my own apartment inside Wayne Manor. Sure I love to be around Batsy any chance I get but sometimes I need my own space, especially at night. Insanity and insomnia aren't exactly easy to deal with. Besides, it means I have a place were I can work on things without Batman breathing down my neck and lecturing me on ethics. I guess the down side is that it puts even more emotional distance between us when we are already too far apart. Felling frustrated I get up and start to pace up and down. If I leave things up to Bats he'll probably let our relationship wither and die like one of Poison Ivy's plants. Not because he wants to but because he has no idea how to handle these sorts of things. I giggle fondly. He's absolutely lovely but completely clueless when it comes to romance, although playboy charm could fool almost anyone. As I walk past the mantelpiece my eyes fall on a photo of the two of us in Barcelona. A huge smile spreads across my face which quickly dissolves into delighted shrieks of mirth. I know just what I need to do but I'm going to need a little bit of help._


	3. Does it count as kidnapping if you enjoy it?

**"Rough night sir?" Alfred asks. I glare into the depths of** **my coffee cup, refusing to answer. I don't** **want to talk about the fact that I was awake all night** **thinking and I certainly don't want to discuss** **what I had been thinking about. "What about you?" I ask as Alfred gives a huge yawn. "Lets just** **say that I have had** **better nights rest than the one I had last night" he replies darkly. I raise a** **questioning eyebrow but he doesn't elaborate. I sigh** **heavily and attempt to eat some of my** **breakfast.**

 **The questions** **that bothered me during the night continue to rattle around inside my head. Am I** **doing the right thing? Will I ever be able to fix my relationship with the Robins? Can I trust** **Joker? Can I even trust myself anymore? To be honest there have always been**   **brief moments when I have doubted my own** **sanity (although I've never told anyone) and they have become increasingly more frequent since the Joker and I got together. How can I love a man who has caused me so much pain? Is that love even real? I shake my head forcefully. I really do love him, that much I do know. I love him desperately. I can't help but wish that I didn't.**

**Giving up on my food I decide to head off to Wayne Tower, hoping to distract myself with some mind numbingly boring paperwork. "Have a nice time sir. See you when you get back" Alfred says as he hands me my briefcase. "Bye Alfred" I reply, looking at him with confusion. Have a nice time at the office? Like that could ever happen. Just as I close the front door one of my many cars comes to a screeching halt in front of me. "Morning Bats, let me give you a lift" J beams, leaning over to open the car door for me then patting the passenger seat pointedly. I suppress a groan with difficulty. No doubt Joker wants to talk about something, he usually does. Dreading the oncoming conversation but knowing that it's pointless to try and avoid it I get in the car. He presses a quick yet affectionate kiss on my cheek then we set off at breakneck speed. To my great surprise he doesn't say anything as we drive along but after 10 minutes I realise why. "J, what are you doing?!" I cry as, instead of going to Wayne Tower, we leave Gotham entirely and head onto the interstate. "Well, Alfred and I were talking about you yesterday, we both worry about you constantly you know. We decided that you could use some time off so I'm taking you on holiday" he tells me cheerfully. "No J! You are not kidnapping me and taking me away from Gotham for a holiday. Forget it" I snap angrily. "I'm not kidnapping you" he insists "it doesn't count as kidnapping if you enjoy it. I'm sure Gotham can get along without you for a couple of days." I've had enough of this.  I lunge for the steering wheel. "NO!" he screams as he knocks me back. Next thing I know J has swung the car around and pulled us to  stop outside of a service station we had just passed seconds before.**

**He turns to me with a deadly smile on his face and his eyes ablaze. It's been a while since I've seen that expression and it's a look that reminds you forcefully of what an extensive body count Joker has to his name. "You don't get to push me around, got that? You've never had that right and you never will. Believe it or not I'm trying to help here but you're making it damn near impossible. Go back to Gotham if you must but not until after we've had a proper talk, one that changes things. I'm fed up of conversations which make it seem like we are getting somewhere only to lead to you retreating back into your comfort blanket of solitude and shutting me out completely. There is no point in us staying together if we can't forge at least a small amount of trust between us so that's what we are going to do right now, we are going to learn how to trust each other or we are going to accept this can't work and go our separate ways" he whispers threateningly. I stare at him for a long time, shocked. I should be worried. Surely such an outburst shows that he's not properly rehabilitated yet and therefore probably not safe? Whether he is stable or not doesn't lessen the fact that he makes an excellent point though. This high tension between us has to stop. "Alright J, you win. Lets talk" I sigh. The murderous grin disappears instantly to make way for a look of pure astonishment. He nods awkwardly. He obviously didn't expect me to give in this easily. There's an incredibly long pause. "Well J, what is it you want to talk about first?" I ask with forced calm. He bites his lip anxiously, all traces of the former villain gone. He looks terrified, vulnerable. Then, taking a deep breath, Joker drops the bomb shell.**

**"I'm sorry about Jason."**

**My mind goes blank. "I'm sorry I hurt him and that I took him away from you. I'm sorry I killed him" he continues quietly. I feel as though my head is spinning. Barely realising what I am doing I grab him by the collar and pull him close, searching for the truth in his eyes. He stares resolutely back. Releasing him I sit back in my seat, breathing deeply. He waits patiently as I try to process what he just said until finally he reaches over and tentatively places his hand on top of my own. This action draws my attention back to him and I find myself able to think more clearly. Grasping his hand tightly I mutter "Thank you." There is another long silence. "Why now?" I whisper. Joker swallows nervously.**

**"Because I didn't want to say it unless I was certain it was true and it wasn't until last night that I was sure it was. When you told me that the Robins were your family I realised how much I must have hurt you. It had never properly occurred to me before. To me everyone else was just props to be used in our game, they weren't real to me so I assumed it was the same for you. I thought that you protected them due to some sense of duty not because you had any feelings for them. Why would you be upset about someone who didn't matter? I understand now that I got it wrong, that what I did was wrong."**

**I let this information sink in. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and with that feeling comes a sense of peace. "So, where are we going on this holiday of yours? Somewhere nice I hope" I say, not knowing how else to show that things were good between us. The delighted smile that spreads across Joker's face is enough for me to know that he understands. His happiness is so catching that soon I am smiling too. "That's the spirit! Geez Bats, you had me scared for a minute then" he laughs, looking relieved. Starting the car back up we set off once more. I take one last look over my shoulder as Gotham disappears from view. "Don't worry about it, Alfred and I have sorted everything out. Alfred has notified all the important people that you are going away and cancelled your appointments at Wayne Enterprises. I, on the other hand, have been using what ever is left of my former reputation to ensure that nothing big happens while we are away. What ever jobs go down whilst we are gone should hopefully be small enough for Gotham PD to handle" he assures me. "You recon that will work?" I ask, attempting to relax with little success. "I can't make any promises of course but it should do. We may know I'm bluffing but anyone willing to test it would have to have a death wish. It should be fine" J replies cheerfully. There's a pause. "Wait a minute. How did you manage to get Alfred involved?" I ask in confusion. Joker giggles. "Lets just say that despite how stubborn he is even Alfred came round to my way of thinking after an hour of me sat outside his bedroom door doing knock-knock jokes" he tells me with a wicked grin. I groan at the thought. "Poor Alfred. J, you know that probably counts as cruel and unusual torture don't you?" I chide him with an amused smile. He giggles even harder.**

**********************************************************************************

_After hours of driving we finally reach our destination. I look over at my sleeping bat fondly. It feels quite special really, that he managed to let his guard down enough to fall asleep at my side. The fact that he trusts me that much means a lot.  Having parked the car I reach for my camera and use it take the first holiday photo of Bruce fast asleep. He, as usual, looks too cute to resist. I'm about to wake him when a silly idea pops into my head. One hand over my hand in attempt to stop myself from laughing I root around in the glove compartment and pull out a spare lipstick. Recently I've been able to enjoy seeing my own lipstick marks on Bruce's irresistible lips but there has always been a part of me that wondered what he'd look like with a coat of his own. Shaking with suppressed mirth, but still managing to keep my practiced hand steady, I embark on my suicidal mission. To my amazement I actually manage to finish the job before I get caught. Suddenly a hand shoots out, twists my arm behind my back and slams me against the car window. I shriek with laughter. "What were you doing?" Batsy asks, releasing me with a sheepish expression on his face. "Aww Bats, you always did like to play rough" I tease before snapping another picture of him. He cries out angrily and snatches the camera out of my hands. There's a moments silence as Bruce stares at the photo in horror the he turns to me, looking bemused. "You're weird" he says pathetically, sounding bewildered. "I know you are but what am I?" I reply flirtatiously as I wrap my arms tightly around his neck. His eyes widen with surprise as I kiss him deeply. I giggle softly into his lips, loving how even now he is still wrong footed by how exuberant  I am when I'm showing my affections for him. It's quite endearing. "I love you Batsy" I murmur, gazing into his eyes. "Love you too" he whispers back with a smile._

_Untangling myself from him I get out of the car, leaving him trying desperately to remove all traces of lipstick. "As nice as the red looked on you I think a lighter colour would suit you better. Perhaps pink" I comment offhandedly as I lead the way to the hotel. I leave him to carry the bags, he is the one with the muscles after all. Collecting the keys from the girl at the desk we make our way upstairs to our rooms. "So, what do you think? Welcome to New Orleans" I announce excitedly. Bruce joins me on his balcony and looks down at our perfect view of Bourbon Street, all lit up and shining in the twilight. The French style architecture, most of which was installed during a period of Spanish rule funnily enough, clashes with the glowing neon signs in a way that perfectly sums up Bourbon Street. Whether you end up in a high end restaurant, a bustling music club or a seedy strip joint is all down to luck. Either way it's my kind of place, crowded and noisy with a high chance of having a good time. Bruce nods complacently and leans against the wrought iron railings. "I think it suits us" he says finally. I have to agree with him. The mix of vibrant colours and music mixed with a dark, spooky history and culture appeals to both of us. Bruce chuckles quietly. "What's so funny?" I ask, confused. "We go on holiday to get away from Gotham, to have a break from walking the night streets in costume and where do we go? New Orleans during Mardi Gras" he points out with a smirk. Grinning broadly I link our arms. "Well, at least you wont get too homesick" I reply._

_We stay silent for a while, listening to the various street performers and already drunk party goers below us, but eventually my itchy feet get the better of me.  "Come on, I know holidays are supposed to be about R & R but I refuse to spend our first night in the big easy cooped up in the hotel" I tell my boyfriend. "Alright then, lets go to dinner" Bruce suggests as h follows me back inside. I shoot him a withering look._

_"Seriously? Of all the things we could do you want to go and have something to eat? We can do that any old time. Stop being boring for once and have some fun. I know creole cuisine is to die for but if you really want to paint the town red you've got to hit the jazz clubs."_

_Considering the matter settled I grab my bags and had off to my room to get changed, leaving Bruce muttering something about being able to hear jazz on the balcony and damnable hyperactive clowns. He is such a charmer._

 

 


	4. First night in a new city.

 

**To be honest I hadn't been all that interested in Joker's plan for the night but now, as we step out onto Bourbon Street, I have to admit he was right. I'm just going to have to accept that when it comes to having a good time Joker knows what he is doing. Well, he has a better idea than I do anyway. Flashing me an eager smile J grabs my hand and we make our way through the French Quarter. Having made our way through pretty streets comprised of buildings sporting the same wrought iron balconies as our hotel we take a short cut through Jackson square, passing the iconic structure of St Louis cathedral. The city is bursting with people, a side effect of Mardi Gras. Dodging around the many passers by, some of whom are probably on the hunt for an unofficial Mardi Gras parade, we approach our destination.**

**I'm not sure what I was expecting but I am pleasantly surprised. Instead of some dark and jam-packed club blasting painfully loud music we sit ourselves down in what is essentially a restaurant with a stage. "Well you said you wanted to get something to eat so here is a compromise" Joker says cheerfully in answer to my questioning gaze. Looking around the busy dinning room I take in the white tablecloths, the tasteful black and white photos and the large windows. "What's the matter? Why are you scrutinizing the place like it's a crime scene" J asks, smile not quite disguising the look of annoyance on his face. "I guess I'm just surprised at how civilised this place this. To be honest I expected somewhere a bit more wild" I answer truthfully. "Geez, did you learn nothing from Europe? You can be quite dense sometimes, you know that Batsy" he sighs fondly. "But no, as nice as this place may be it's a bit tame for me. I picked this place for you because for someone who spends their nights beating up nut jobs you are rather obsessed with seeming civilised. Trying to compensate for something?" he asks with a wicked smile and a raised eyebrow. I stare back. Silently challenging him in the way that has been our version of flirting right from the start, whether I chose to acknowledge it or not. "Mmm, I love it when you flirt with me Bats" Joker growls seductively "I can promise that things will get wilder later tonight." I feel myself go bright red as Joker laughs hysterically.**

**"You and your dirty mind Bats. What would Alfred say?! I was talking about clubs you adorable idiot."**

**There's a pause whilst we order our food. Finally, just as the waiter is bringing our drinks, a seven piece band takes to the stage and soon the place is buzzing with music. As the three trumpet players give it everything they've got I slowly start to relax properly. Looking over at J it's obvious he doesn't feel as peaceful. The bright smile, tapping fingers and the engaged expression on his face don't quite hide the fact that he is getting antsy. Not because he dislikes the music, in truth he's much more interested in music than I am, but because he wants the spotlight. I can tell he's just itching to storm the stage and steal the show. "Perhaps when we get back to Gotham you should look into ways of getting back into performing" I suggest as the food arrives "I can tell you miss it." He turns away from the band to look at me, grinning sadly. "You know that would never work. The greater population of Gotham doesn't exactly share my sense of humour. I seriously doubt whether they have one at all" he replies. "Maybe you should try something on a smaller scale... and less deadly" I laugh, staring absentmindedly at the lead sing on stage as they start the next number. "Now where would be the fun in that? Besides, I've never been good at stand up or any form of conventional performing come to mention it" he replies "what I do is an art that only you and I really appreciate." He grasps my hand, looking away with a sigh.**

**Later, after we've finished our first taste of creole cooking, J leads the way back outside and we set off towards our next stop. We end up in front of a small green building on Frenchmen Street, named after 6 French rebels who were executed near here and now the place to be for music in New Orleans. Joker's first choice of club may have been picked with me in mind but this one is obviously more to his tastes. Pushing through the doorway we manoeuver our way into the small but crowded bar, trying to get a view of the band about to play. J disappears on a quest for drinks, leaving me alone at the edge of the dance floor. "Hi" says a voice in my ear. I turn around curiously and find a dark haired girl smiling at me. "Hello" I reply nervously, not wanting to seem impolite. "My name is Rachel" she says as she holds her hand out daintily. "Are you hear for Mardi Gras too? It's insanely busy isn't it" she continues after we've shaken hands. I make a non-committal noise, trying to figure out how to get rid of her before J sees her and gets jealous. Unfortunately as a billionaire playboy the trick of letting a girl down without causing a scene is much harder skill to pick up than you'd expect. Learning to encourage their advances on the other hand was easy but that's totally useless now that J is in the picture. "Say, when the music starts would you like to dance with me? I've been wanting to dance all night but I didn't have a partner" Rachel smiles flirtatiously, interrupting my thoughts. She places a hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off gently. "Thank you very much for the offer, I'm very flattered, but I'm with someone and they wouldn't be happy about me dancing with someone else" I tell her. She looks at me with puppy dog eyes and a put so sickly it makes me want to puke. "Oh I'm sure they wont mind. It's just a dance" she trills, waving away both my excuse and lack of interest. Before I can say anything else however, Joker returns.**

 

_I fight my way through the mob of people at the bar as I head back to Bruce with the drinks. The restaurant had been nice enough but I feel much more at home here. It's so much more alive and intimate. A bit too intimate I think to myself as I catch sight of some random cow trying to flirt with Bruce. How dare she flirt with my man! Good on Bruce though, he's obviously trying hard to get rid of her. I smile proudly before my mind is consumed by jealousy, turning my vision red. walking over it takes all my self control not to slaughter her on the spot. "Hey cupcake, who's your new friend?" I ask in an overly cheery voice. The girl looks at me with a confused expression whilst Bruce bites his lip. "J, this is Rachel. She came over to say hello and ask me for a dance but I told her no because I was with you. Rachel, this is my boyfriend J" Bruce replies quickly. Rachel seems taken aback, looking me up and down with a look of disgust. I grin back sinisterly, making no attempt to hide the homicidal glint in my eyes. She blinks, swallows nervously and quickly walks off without another word. "Smart girl" I comment lightly as I take a sip of my drink. Bruce breaths a visible sigh of relief then grabs his drink off me and downs it in one. It's lucky he doesn't drink alcohol otherwise he'd get drunk pretty quickly. "You had me scared for a minute then" he says finally as the music starts up. "Just for a minute?" I ask sceptically. "I knew you wouldn't kill her, you wouldn't even hurt her as long as she was sensible. I trusted you" he mutters, not looking at me. My jealous rage begins to simmer down as I listen to the certainty in his voice. "Well that's new" I reply, trying to sound casual. "It's kind of hard to trust a man who has tortured and killed your kids, especially if he doesn't show any remorse" Bruce says sadly, gaze fixed resolutely on the floor "but life goes on and so do they. I might as well try to move on too. The fact that you knew that I needed to hear you apologise, the fact that you understood that I needed closure, meant a lot. The least I can do is try to trust you sometimes, even if it's with something small like not killing some random woman because she looked my way." He looks up at me at last and gives me a small smile. Suddenly I'm feeling happier than I have done in ages. "Well you certainly looked worried for a guy who's so sure of himself" I tease, linking our arms. Bats rolls his eyes and mutters something about just being careful but quite frankly I'm not listening._

 

_The atmosphere in the club is electrifying. Music is blaring, people are dancing and capping and I'm with my bat. Who cares about anything else? I smile happily. "Come on" I cry as I pull him onto the tiny dance floor. He looks taken aback as I whip him round to face me as the band strikes up an upbeat swing number. I know he can waltz (what rich boy can't?) although I haven't had the pleasure yet. It's obvious now though that he's not so comfortable when things get a bit more lively. Spinning and sliding I relish in all the attention we're getting from the audience  but one look at my partner shows he's not enjoying it anywhere near as much, in fact he's looking positively petrified. Taking pity on him I pull him close. "What's the matter? You're acting like we have never danced before. Forget the music and dance with me Batman" I whisper in his ear, grinning at him. Daring him. His eyes light up with sudden comprehension as I pull away and the next second he's matching my every step. Spinning me forcefully and confidently, suddenly full of energy.  It's funny how similar fighting and dancing really are. The difference, as far as I can see, is that with fighting there is a winner. With me and Batsy there was never a winner, not really, which is why we both always called a dance. Secretly he always knew how things were between us, he just didn't want to admit it._

_The song ends as I jump into his arms and he spins us round one last time. I vaguely register the applause, the audience cheering as much for us as they are for the band, but I'm too busy laughing to pay proper attention. Bruce smiles at me, eyes sparkling as he slowly puts me back onto the ground although I refuse to unwind my arms from around his neck. Bruce pulls us over to the edge of the dance floor and we listen to the band as they continue their set, watching as other couples take it in turns to commandeer the floor. Some of them are pretty good but they're not a patch on the two of us. Bruce and I may not be anywhere near professional standard when it comes to dancing but we have a passion no one else can ever hope to replicate. "Ready to go?" Bruce asks, breaking into my thoughts. I nod._

 

**We make our way back up Frenchmen Street and start to circle back round to the hotel. I glance at Joker every now and again, happily nuzzled against me with arms wrapped tightly around my waist. Sure, it makes it harder to walk but I like having him there. After a while we re-enter the French Quarter which is even more crowded and rambunctious than before. After a while we come across a group of people staring up at the balcony of one of the houses, some of them taking photographs. I can't see why, sure it's nice but no nicer than any of the others in the neighbourhood. As if he'd read my mind J brings us to a stop a short distance away from the group and says "This is the LaLaurie Mansion. It's probably the most famous address in New Orleans." I wait for him to elaborate. "Aren't you going to ask me why?" he pouts sulkily. I groan and take the bait. "Ok, why?" I shy. "Because it's haunted!" he replies dramatically. Here we go with the theatrics.**

**"So the woman who lived here, Delphine LaLaurie, was seen on the roof one day chasing a slave girl and brandishing a whip. The girls was so terrified that she jumped off the roof and died. Madame L got charged with cruelty to slaves, HA!, and all her slaves were taken away to be re-sold. End of story right? Wrong. Madame L buys back her old slaves from her friends but one day one of them starts a fire. When the fire department come they find a group of slaves in the attic that she had been mistreating. Legend has it that she was torturing them and that there was one man who..."**

**"OK! Too much information" I snap and he falls silent. "How do you know so much about this anyway?" I ask as we continue walking. "Well if you are going on holiday somewhere you might as well learn a bit about the place. For instance, there's a house down on Dauphine Street where it is said that the brother of a Turkish sultan and his harem were all slaughtered by mystery assassins. I'm telling you Bats, this place is just full of crazy history" he tells me matter-of-factly.  "I'm pretty sure those are all just sensationalised nonsense Joker" I say, rolling my eyes. He shrugs. "Never the less, they say all stories have some truth in them" he retorts, determined to believe it. I'm used to Joker's casual and unsentimental attitude towards tragedy so I don't get upset by his, some would say, insensitive way of speaking about supposed atrocities. Instead I reflect on it all, realising that I am so focussed on Gotham that I often forget that other cities have their share of horror.**

**This train of thought hardly puts me in good spirits though. Thinking about Gotham and it's demons just makes me worry about the city that I have left unprotected apart from a mostly incompetent police force. Gotham, still as crime ridden now as it was that day all those years ago when my parents were slaughtered. I start slightly as J suddenly plants a tender kiss on my cheek. He looks at me with a concerned frown on his face, having obviously picking up on my less than happy frame of mind. I sigh and grasp his hand tightly. Despite his many problems J really is a good partner, perfect for me anyway. I know Harley wasn't as lucky when they were together. I wish I could find the words to tell him how much he means to me but everything just seems too small and inexpressive.**

**Before I can get too caught up in my own head we've come to the last stop on our jazz club crawl, although this place in particular is more culture than club. Preservation Hall doesn't look overly impressive from the outside, the building is nice enough although it looks a little rundown. Whether it actually is or whether it's been made to look that way is unclear. No drinks or food are allowed in here, you simply leave a donation and try to find yourself a space on one of the wooden benches. Having managed to get a seat we turn our attention to the trumpet player who is up on the stage pouring his heart and soul into the music. This isn't a place for dancing or light conversation, this is a place you come you visit if you want to really appreciate jazz music. It's quite relaxing really, letting myself get lost in the tune and momentarily forgetting whatever problems are on my mind. Smiling lightly I think back on my first day in New Orleans. I can safely say that I have enjoyed my time hear so far. I put my arm around J and pull him close.  
**

****


	5. Ups and downs.

**The first thing I see when I wake up is a pair of bright green eyes just centimetres from my own. Reacting instinctively I lash out with a startled yell. "Good morning sleeping beauty" Joker croaks cheerfully. "For gods sake J, don't do that!" I cry as I quickly let go of his throat. He merely laughs. "How did you even get in here?" I ask wearily as my heart rate slowly returns to normal. "What sort of criminal doesn't know how to pick locks?" he replies simply "Now come and have a drink on the balcony with me." I follow him outside and sit down at our little table where a cup of black coffee is waiting for me. Joker is considerate enough to let me have five minutes silence to properly wake before he starts talking, something I am extremely grateful for.**

**"Now we cant hang around all day because it will mess up my plans. That's the problem with visiting the big easy at this time of year, come Fat Tuesday a lot of things are closed for the day so we have to try and do as much as we can today."**

**Still half asleep, the idea of rushing around all day sounds less than appealing. "So what first?" I ask in a tired voice. He scowls at me. "I'm detecting a distinct lack of enthusiasm" he snarls. "The caffeine hasn't kicked in yet. Besides, I'm not really accustomed to waking up in an unfamiliar bed with you practically on top of me so I'm hardly going to be in the best mood with a wake up call like that" I reply.**

_"Surely waking up to find me on top of you is the best way to start the day" I retort slyly.Then I squeal as Bruce turns a dark shade of red. He's just so much fun to mess with. "Knock it off" he mutters. "Aw come on, you love me really" I chirp as I ruffle his hair in the way I know he hates. "Although why remains a mystery to me" Bruce replies with an exasperated smile. He goes and gets dressed, without even inviting me to join him in the shower. The spoilsport. Can't take a joke. Well I'll teach him._

_"Joker!" he growls threateningly ten minutes later. I look up and find myself faced with dripping wet Bruce Wayne in just a towel. He doesn't look happy. "Yeas cupcake?" I reply sweetly, trying not to laugh. "Give me my clothed back!" Batsy positively rumbles. I cant hold it in anymore and I break down into wheezing giggles. "I don't have them but don't worry, I have a solution. Not that you don't look wonderful the way you are" I purr happily. He shoots me a look that would give anyone else a fear induced heart attack. He can't scare me though. "I'm not wearing that. Are you crazy?" he snaps, glaring at the batsuit I'm holding up for him. I roll my eyes. "Seriously? After all these years you still need to ask? I'm insulted" I drawl "Come on, we wandered around Europe together and no one BAT-ted an eyelid. Ha. Sure, things are more public now but I doubt anyone really cares about that secret identity of yours. It's not exactly hard to deduce. If they haven't figured it out yet it's because they don't want to. You'll be fine." Bruce groans and proceeds to tear the room apart in search of his missing clothes. I've done my job well though. He wont find anything unless I want him to. Giving up on the search he comes back over to me. "Hand them over" he whispers in his fiercest Batman voice. "I don't have them! You can search me if you want" I add flirtatiously, arms open wide in an invitation. Finally he gives in._

_"You are the most annoying person I have ever met and I hate you " he sulks as we leave the hotel a short while later. "Even more than Superlame? That's quite an achievement. Still, don't be so sour about it ok. I just wanted to spend some time with my big bad bat. I love him just as much as Brucie you know" I reply lightly. I link our arms with a grin. A stony silence follows. "Get off" he protests half heartedly as I wind my arms around his waist. I ignore him and yank his head down so I can kiss him forcefully. He protests at first but soon melts into the embrace. "I'm still mad at you" he grumbles although I can tell his heart isn't in it. "Aw Bats, you're always mad at me darling. You'd be an insane fool if you weren't" I beam. He rolls his eyes but starts to lighten up as we continue walking. Not that the slightly better mood lasts long._

_"You have got to be joking."_

_Our first stop for the day is right in front of us. It looks rather ordinary, so undistinguishable that you could easily walk past it. "Come one, it's me. The clues in the name" I laugh "Besides, you can't come to Ne Orleans and not take a look at the supernatural or spooky side of things. Just be thankful that I didn't drag you to the museum of death. Relax, you'll fit right in here." Boutique Du Vampyre is the only shop of its kind in America and to good a joke opportunity to miss. Bats does look very at home amongst the gothic theme trappings of this small shop, or at least he would do if not for the disapproving scowl. One of the great things about Ne Orleans is that whether you are a pirate, a vampire, a witch or just a weirdo dressed as a giant bat you'll always fit right in. Dodging through the array of t-shirts, Voodoo dolls and various types of incense I close in on a pretty pair of lacy fingerless gloves whilst Batsy examines some "shrunken heads" with what could be professional interest. He takes being suspicious to a whole new level. By passing the display of books on all things vampire I check out some of the stranger novelty items, all too aware of my partners waning interest. Batsy never was one for shopping. "Blood style drink in a pouch?!" Bats exclaims with disgust. "Weird. I wonder whether it tastes like the real thing" I ponder out aloud. "You're sick" he replies, throwing me a disparaging look. "Don't act all high and might, I know you've drank blood too. It's how we ended up together" I chide him._

_Surprisingly the woman at the counter seems unfazed by our conversation. I guess she must get all sorts in here. "You know, I always wondered whether you were one of us. A vampire I mean" she says to Batman as I pay for my items. He looks taken aback to say the least. "Haven't we all? Is he a vampire or a bat or both? It's the age old question" I reply cheerfully when he doesn't respond "He doesn't sleep upside down like a bat, I used to think he did. He doesn't nap in a coffin either though so I guess we're still clueless as to the answer. I'm still leaning towards bat. After all, he does live in a cave." Suddenly Batsy slaps his hand over my mouth and looks at me pointedly. I giggle softly under his fingers. "I'm not a vampire" he tells the shop keeper firmly "ignore my boyfriend, he's just messing you around." I feel myself blush. I love it when he refers to me as his boyfriend. The lady nods but I doubt he has convinced her._

_"No more shopping" Batsy orders as he drags me out of the store. Sighing dramatically I fish around in my shopping bag, past the gloves, lip gloss and fishnet stockings until I finally find what I'm looking for. "Here you are cupcake" I smile innocently as I hang a necklace with a cupcake shaped pendant with bat wings around his neck. He looks less than impressed but what did I expect, he doesn't share my sense of humour. "You don't have to wear it if you don't like it" I say moodily. "I want to wear it ok. Just back off" he snaps, wrapping his arms around my waist. I'm treated to a rare bat-smile. Deciding to humour him I give up on further plans of shopping and instead lead the way to a near by café for breakfast. Café Du Monde is completely packed but some how a table opens up for us. I guess our combined reputations are useful for something. You can't come to New Orleans without trying beignets and apparently this is one of the best places to get them. Bats doesn't seem too keen on the doughnut like squares covered in sugar but I'm crazy about them so I end up eating half of his share as well as my own. "So, what have you got planned Joker?" he asks nonchalantly, looking at me over the top of his second cup of coffee. "Steamboat Natchez" I reply, waiting to see his reaction. He nods which I take to be a good sign._

_After we've finished sampling one of Nola's most famous dishes it's time to go and buy our tickets for the trip. Heading down to the rivers edge we find the steamboat waiting for us, its red paddle wheel stationary in the water. One of the last boats of its kind in the country it looks just as impressive now as it must have done during its heyday. Grabbing Bats suddenly I pull my camera out of my pocket and snap a photo of the two of us with the Steamboat Natchez in the background. More than used to my photography habits by now Bats doesn't make a fuss, merely rolling his eyes. We board the vessel and soon find ourselves setting off along the muddy Mississippi. There's a jazz band situated inside and informative commentary issuing from the overhead speakers on deck but quite frankly I'm not interested in either. We lean against the railing as the paddle sprays flecks of water into our faces, enjoying the peace. For now anyway. As always a par of me longs for the spike of chaos but for now I'm content with reflecting on life and my place within it, beside my bat._

**J is zoned out, has been for awhile. I've learned not to worry too much about it when it happens. No one can be just one thing all the time and the Joker is no exception. Every now and then the bright and intense personality gives way to short periods of thoughtful silence. I've often wondered what he thinks about during these moments, assuming he thinks of anything at all. With his insanity warping his understand of reality so much I probably wouldn't be able to follow his train of thought even if I wanted to.**

**The boat circles round and drops us off back where we started. "Get a move on J" I urge him as I attempt to drag him ashore. He gives a violent start as he comes back to earth then skips down the gangplank behind me. "So my bouncing baby bat, what next?" he asks with a grin. "Whatever you want" I tell him. I watch as he thinks this over then he grabs my hand and leads the way to a destination unknown.  I enjoy being around him and just watching how he acts, trying to understand him. Wild and dangerous as an enemy he's is the most cliché romantic when it comes to being a partner which is quite adorable.**

**I remember back in Paris when I described falling for Joker's charm as a fate worse than death. Little did I realise that I had already fallen and more so than anyone else. I guess Joker was right when he said we were destined to spend the rest of our lives together, although in truth a part of me did wonder whether he would stay with me once the spell of the secret identity had been lifted. I doubted whether someone who seemed to relish in the destructive dynamics of our game would be able to adjust to life with Bruce Wayne but here we are.  J craves my attention and as long as I give it to him he seems content enough if not a bit bored with the mundane trudge of civilian life. I can completely sympathise with him there.**

**There's been a lot in the press ever since Joker got released about Bruce Wayne and whether his decision to aid the Joker with his rehabilitation was due to some far fetched belief that the criminal was just misunderstood. Despite my feelings for J I could never think that. His past of murderous psychotic rampage is one I'll never forget or write off but at the same time I refuse to let that define how I see him anymore. I like to hope that it's a case of you cant help someone until they want to be helped. I wish I could talk to him about all this but I know in my heart that he just isn't ready yet.**

**Suddenly a hand smacks me around the face. "The brooding was getting boring" J says simply in way of an explanation. I heave a sigh as I rub my sore cheek. We've slowed to a stop outside what looks like a tearoom. I glance questioningly at Joker. "It's not shopping" he insists before pulling me inside. There's no way I can argue with that. Once we get inside it becomes clear that this isn't an ordinary tearoom. "Don't knock it until you've tried it. It just a bit of fun" he chides me before I can say anything. "Alright then but one question. Why?" I ask as we sit ourselves down. "Why not?" he replies with a smile "It's something to do. Who knows, we might hear something interesting. I'm a guy who's finally starting to settle down in life, I'd like to know how things are going to work out if possible." He laughs loudly in a way that says he's joking but his eyes tell a different story. He actually cares about his future with me. For some reason this still surprises me. The laughter stops suddenly and I look at him with concern. "What is it?" I ask softly, staring into his eyes. There's a pause during which our tea is discretely served. "Harley always used to talk about settling down and I used to laugh in her face" he says in a low voice "it doesn't really seem funny anymore." I know what it means when he says something isn't funny anymore, it's something we have both agreed not to discuss unless he feels he wants to.**

**"Well she seems quite happy with Ivy so..."**

**I leave the sentence hanging, unsure how to finish it, and take a swig of tea. J nods and follows suit, pulling a face at the taste. "I'm more of a hot chocolate person to be honest but you can't really read those cups afterwards" he mutters with a small smile. I smile back fondly, causing him to blush. "I doubt it would make any difference to the results anyway" I reply. He raises an eyebrow. "So tell me Batman, you have friends who can do actual magic. Why are you so adamant that this is all a load of phooey?" he challenges me. I consider it for a moment. "Because I don't like the thought of someone just being able to know things about my life and my future. Whether it's magic, calculated guesswork, keen observations or whatever is irrelevant. I want it to be just some money making scam" I answer slowly. Joker gives a false cough that sounds a lot like "Paranoid." I glare at him from across the table. "So why are you determined to believe it's real?" I retort grumpily. He sniggers in an infuriating manner. "I'm not determined about anything, I just don't like to put labels on things. In this twisted joke we call existence anything is possible so why do we try so hard to pretend it isn't so? It's stupid" J smiles smugly, confident that he has made his point.**

**Before I can think of a response a man sits down at our table and proceeds to read our cups. To my disappointment he decides to read my tea leaves first. He turns the cup over in his hands several times then starts to talk us through it. To be honest I'm not paying full attention. He goes through what the leaves say about the state of my finances, the prediction that I'll have no money worries in the future is one that Joker finds highly amusing. Talk moves on to various other aspects of everyday life and I zone out. That is until I receive a sharp jab in the ribs. "Bats, you should be listening. This is good" J hisses in my ear. Our reader very patiently repeats himself. "I was saying that you obviously have a lot of worries when it comes to the family and relationship side of things. It's clear you are struggling with the weight of the numerous responsibilities you have taken on. You're torn between doing what you think is right and what your heart desires. My advice is to tackle both your responsibilities and emotions head on, the waiting period has passed and it is time for action. In my experience it isn't often that the heart tells us to do the wrong thing. Pride, lust, greed etc masquerading as love can cloud your judgement but if you feel sure about your feelings and motives then you'll find there is little room for error" he finishes. My initial reaction is to glare at him angrily and vow to disregard all he said but there something about it that seems too relevant to ignore. I file it under something to think about later as Joker clamours for his turn.**

**He too has nothing to worry about in the finance department which is hardly surprising, although Joker is one of the rare people who likes me for my personality that doesn't mean that he doesn't take full advantage of having a billionaire for a boyfriend. "Now we get to the family and relationship side of things" the man says some what grumpily, giving J an exasperated look. Patience is not one of J's strong points and he has been giving our reader hassle for several minutes. Joker bites his lip nervously.**

**"The leaves indicate that an extended period of upheaval is finally coming to an end. You are now ready to settle down and try something different although you should know that it may not be easy. The problem is that you're petrified of rejection but you set yourself up for it by not acknowledging how you really feel. Nothing will come of anything if you don't be honest with yourself but hopefully your thirst for lasting commitment will steer you through. "**

**There is a dangerous silence. Joker's face is an incomprehensible mess of emotions but I can tell that he is angry. I hold my breath as he takes a deep breath of his own. "Right, well that was certainly in depth" he says with a malicious smile "whether cups do talk that much or whether you just read the Gotham news papers doesn't lessen the fact that you sure know how to make it sound convincing. Good showmanship." There's a tense atmosphere in the shop as we quickly pay our bill and it is very obvious that everyone is very glad to see the back of us.**

**"Who does he think he is?!" Joker bursts out viciously, eyes glinting manically. I sigh. "Just forget it J, it doesn't matter. I told you it was all a load of rubbish" I assure him but he refuses to listen. He continues to rant about it as we walk along until finally I've had enough and I pull him aside. "Talk to me. What's wrong?" I ask, I try to be gentle but he isn't making it easy. "I just want to gouge that idiots eyes out that's all" he growls, not looking at me. Getting frustrated I shake him violently by the shoulders until, at last, he turns his attention to me. "It's alright for you Bats, it's not like you ever have to worry about these sorts of things. One of the perks of being a hero I guess, everyone likes and trusts you. You don't need luck, I do" he groans, leading his head against my shoulder. I try to untangle his ramblings and figure out what it is he's trying to say. "I do need luck" I mutter, playing for time "every time I get home just in time for Alfred to patch me up after a life threatening injury is down to luck. Most aspects of my life depend on me being lucky. As for trust and popularity that's a whole load of rubbish. It's not just villains who'd be happy to see me off the streets for good. This isn't about me though, it's about you."**

****I stop suddenly, unsure how to say it. "Does it really bother you that much? Our future I mean. Do you still expect me to reject you after everything we've been through? Haven't I proven you wrong about that yet?" J looks me in the eyes and says very seriously "I'm not good enough for you." I don't know how to respond to that and he can sense my uncertainty. "I don't want to tear your life apart anymore but I continue to do so just by existing. I'm not sure I want to be part of your life if that's the cost" he whispers sadly.** **

_Suddenly Batsy throws his cape around me and pulls me close. Such public shows of affection are so rare for him that I am temporarily too shocked for words. "Don't make me be the clingy one. I'm no good at" he mumbles in my ear. I nod in bewilderment. Finally I can't take the silence anymore. "Umm, Bats ... you ok?" I ask. He slowly lets me go and I instantly miss his touch. "I know it's hard" he begins "when you don't feel as though you can live up to what you expect of yourself. I know what it's like when you want to do right by someone but it just seems like you're making things worse. Every day I think about what the Robins lives would have been like without me, whether they would have been better off if I had never come along. Trust me when I say that running away from those feelings doesn't make it any easier. It's a lesson that I am still learning the hard way." I think this over. Now his fear of commitment makes a lot more sense. "Does this mean you want me to stay?" I ask in a small voice with an attempt at a smile. "Do you seriously think I'd let you into my life like this if there was even the tiniest chance that I'd want to leave you?" he asks in reply, signature smirk playing upon his lips. He has a point there. He's way too suspicious to let people get close to him without good reason. When he finally commits to something there is no going back. I don't know why I worry so much. I laugh delightedly and spin him round excitedly, much to his displeasure._

_Deciding to leave the hustle and bustle of the city centre behind us slightly we head to one of the most famous places in New Orleans, a cemetery no less. Out of approximately 41 cemeteries in NOLA we've come to the most well known of them all, St. Louis #1. Although we don't exactly receive a friendly welcome. "We'll have to forget it Joker, it's locked" says Bats, giving the gate a half hearted shake. "Yeah, they only open it for approved tour guides. Apparently it's not 100% safe to visit the cemeteries on your own" I reply as I scope out the area. "Then why the hell are we here then?" he asks moodily. In response I hoist myself up and sit astride the outer wall of the cemetery. "What's the matter Bats, are you scared or just too virtuous?" I tease. Rising to the challenge Batman vaults the gate and drops down on the other side. "You're going to be the death of me" he sighs with a smile._

_"Not in this life time I hope."_

_We are surrounded by hundreds of the above ground tombs that the inhabitants of the big easy have been using to dispose of their stiffs for centuries. Taking out my camera once more I take some impressive pictures of Batsy amongst the graves. The large moon hanging in the sky completes the dark and dramatic image and he looks perfectly at home. After a while of aimless wondering we find ourselves in front of America's most visited burial sites. Voodoo, at its core a set of African beliefs bought over by slaves and mixed with various other practices including Catholicism, is a huge part of New Orleans culture (despite the fact that the church tried for decades to stamp it out) and when it comes to the voodoo who's who you won't find anyone bigger than Marie Laveau. The voodoo queen is supposed to be buried here and although there are some who believe otherwise it doesn't stop this place from being a tourist hot spot. Kind of strange really, you don't see people flocking to morgues to visit people but once they've been covered up it's perfectly normal. Perhaps I'm just thinking about it too much. "What's with the crosses?" Batsy asks. "Alright, so apparently if you draw 3 x's and spin around three times then little miss voodoo will give you a wish" I reply excitedly. Batman glares at me. "Take this seriously Joker, this is some ones faith you are talking about" he chides me. I shrug. "The cemetery doesn't like you to do it anyway, damages the tomb. Apparently they can't find conclusive proof that it's even a real voodoo practice" I say. Still, might be worth a shot. I leave the actual tomb alone and decide to spin around even more to make up for it. Giggling helplessly I fall into Batsy's arms, feeling dizzy. Looking up at my dork knight I make my wish. "You shouldn't mess with voodoo you know. It's not smart" Bats warns me, a note of disapproval in his voice. "Relax, I didn't wish for anything stupid" I assure him._

_Having exhausted the voodoo spirits we carry on walking and eventually I skip ahead so as to take more photos. I'm just taking a picture of an impressive angel statue when I feel the tip of a knife blade being pressed between my shoulder blades. Just my luck, of all the days to visit a cemetery I had to pick the day the muggers were in town._

_"Turn around slowly."_

_Obediently I turn around to find 2 haggard looking men squinting at me. "Hand over the money and you won't get hurt" the one holding the knife growls. I burst out laughing. "What so funny?!" his companion shouts as the blade is pushed against my neck. "You two. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into have you? I could slaughter you before you had the chance to blink if I felt like it" I giggle._

_"Well that won't be happening today clown!"_

_"You're right, it wont" says a delightfully familiar voice. The would-be muggers scream like banshees as Batman descends on them. "Now look at what you have done, you've made my boyfriend mad" I laugh as I aim a sharp blow to one the mens throats. He sags to the floor, unconscious, and I watch as Batman makes quick work of his accomplice. "Their faces when you leapt out at them!" I squeal happily. Having verified that are victims are still alive and kicking he lets himself go enough to laugh along with me. Whatever he says to the contrary he loves the effect he has on criminals. The big drama queen. "Not that you wouldn't have been able to handle them by yourself" he replies. Batsy puts an arm around my waist and pulls me close. There's nothing like a bit of danger to finish off a great evening and I can tell my adrenalin junkie of a partner feels the same way._

__


	6. Celebrations.

**I'm woken up way earlier than I would like by the sound of loud music coming from the street below. Groaning I open my eyes to find myself** **once again staring into J's acid green eyes. I give a small start but manage not to lash out like yesterday. I can't help but wonder whether he intends to make a habit of this. If so I can say goodbye to any chance of getting a moments peace.  "Its Mardi Gras!" Joker cries excitedly in way of an explanation. As my mind starts to shake of the fuzz of sleep I realise that Joker is straddling my lap and feel my self blush** **scarlet. J laughs and lies down, resting his head on my chest. "Morning" I mumble. I reach out and stroke his hair hoping to drop off once more.  Unfortunately he has other plans. "Come on lazy bones, get up or we'll miss it" he snaps. Leaping off me he grabs my arm and attempts to pull me out of bed. I push him away forcefully, perhaps a bit too hard I wonder as he lands flat on his back on the floor. "That's more like it" Joker says with a grin as he bounces back to his feet, he's never been fazed by rough stuff. Still, I should really try harder to avoid it. The last thing I want is to end up in an abusive relationship because I keep writing things off due to old habits. "Sorry J" I mutter as I finally leave my bed. He throws me a puzzled** **look. "How did the vampire get into his house?" J asks suddenly. "How?" I sigh as I make myself a cup of coffee. "Through the bat flap!" he finishes with a flourish. I try my best to give a weak smile, appreciating the fact that's he's trying to be nice. "Do me a favour and cheer up a bit, ok Brucie?" he says, staring into my eyes as he wraps his arms around my neck. "I know your not naturally a very chipper person but it can be quite a downer seeing you miserable all the time" he continues quietly. Seized by a sudden impulseI lean in and kiss him, catching us both by surprise. He's usually the affectionate one, he must be rubbing off on me. "That better?" I whisper as we break apart. J nods happily.**

**I go and get dressed into the colourful yet simple outfit that J has picked out for me. When I get back he is leaning against the balcony railing, watching the mayhem down on Bourbon Street. I smile fondly as I watch him. Sometimes, like right now, it hits me just how much I love him and I can barely think. I couldn't stand being with out him, even for a moment. It still disgusts me sometimes, the fact that I could possibly have feelings for him after everything he's done but every day I get a little bit closer to accepting it. I'm moving on. Coming over to stand next to him I take a moment to admire his outfit, green waistcoat teamed with tiny metallic purple shorts and a pair of gold heels. "You look nice" I tell him. He goes slightly pink but pretends to be unimpressed. "Just nice?!" he pouts with feigned indignance. "All right, you look drop dead gorgeous. Happy now?" I ask with a laugh, watching as he goes bright red. It suddenly occurs to me that I've never told him that before. He throws his arms around me and squeezes me so tightly that I feel as though I might explode. "J, unless you're trying to kill me you might want to loosen your grip. I cant breath" I gasp. Joker grudgingly lets me go. "Damn it! You figured out my evil plan" he jokes, grinning.**

**With an intense feeling of dread I follow J as he leads the way out of the hotel an onto the street. I'm not sure if I've ever been in a more crowded place in my life outside of a battlefield. The small streets are packed to bursting point and you have to push and shove your way through the overwhelming tide of people. The world renown spectacle known as Mardi Gras isn't just one day. Festivities are spread over the course of the week, marked with both official and unofficial parades. It concludes on "Fat Tuesday" when the whole city goes nuts. As we approach the first parade route it becomes clear that if you want a good view then you have to be on your toes. J gets some incredibly dirty looks when he tries to move an obstruction  that it turned out was being used to save some ones space in the crowd. J doesn't seem to mind though, if anything he's loving all the chaos and excitement. "Watch it!" I bark. I grab him by the arm and pull him away before he accidentally collides with a kid sitting on top of a ladder. "This place is a death trap" I mutter. "I know! Isn't it great?!" Joker cries happily, grinning from ear to ear. Somehow, although I don't know how he managed it, J finds a spot for us then it's simply a case of waiting.**

**Just as the noise and people are getting to much the parade finally comes our way. The bright, sparkling costumes and impressive floats seem really magical. Suddenly the attraction of this giant street part makes a lot more sense. Each parade is organised by a different krewe and each krewe has their own special style. This krewe seems to be very popular. As is tradition with Mardi Gras the krewe starts to tossing gifts, called throws, into the crowd and things instantly get more excitable.**

**"Hey, yoo hoo! Over here!"**

**"Try to have some dignity" I say as J whistles, waving frantically at the passing float. He punches me in the shoulder and sticks his tongue out at me. Then he jumps up and catches a string of beads that had come soaring his way from the direction of the passing parade. "There you are" he says smugly as he hangs them around my neck "no need to thank me. In also seriousness though sweetheart, dignity has no place at this party. Shrinking violets don't get anything." He winks at me playfully then goes back to clapping and cheering along with everyone else.**

**Once the procession has passed us by we attempt to extract ourselves from the crowd which is no mean feat. J pulls me into a café briefly whilst he purchases something but before I can grow accustomed to my surroundings we are back on the street and I'm having something sticky thrust into my hand. "It's called King cake" J mumbles with his mouth full edible sugar glistening on his lips. After scrutinising it for a moment I take a bite. "By the way, if you find a plastic baby in there then try not to swallow it" he adds as an after thought. "Plastic baby?!" I splutter, almost choking at the mere idea. He giggles. "Apparently it's tradition that whoever finds the baby in their slice has to pay for next years cake. Crazy right?" he informs me with an amused smile. I have to agree with him on that one.**

**Having managed to finish our food without encountering any toy infants it's time to fight or way back through the throng of people to the next parade. To my surprise I enjoy my second taste of Mardi Gras a lot more than my first. Whether it's due to the wild and colourful atmosphere or whether Joker's excitement is just too contagious I'm not sure but I'm soon shouting and cheering along with everyone else. "So what now?" I ask, grinning, as the second parade moves off into the distance. J's smile is infectious and in a good way for once. "It might not be that exciting but there is something I want to try" he replies casually as we head away from the hustle and bustle. The plan soon becomes clear as we come to stop by a set of steal tracks in the road. Soon enough an olive green streetcar comes trundling towards us. "We're lucky they are even running today. With so many things closed for Fat Tuesday it's quite surprising" Joker comments as we get on board. Settling down on the bright red seats I look out of the window as the streetcar sets off once more. After such a hectic morning it's quite a relaxing change. Gradually the scenery, giving way to the large houses of the Garden district. Most of them white and possessing beautiful gardens. "They're like the houses you see in horror movies sometimes" J says, leaning over my shoulder to get a better look. He's right. "Thanks a lot. Now all I'm going to be able to think about is zombies" I grumble. He smirks in the most annoying way possible. We get off a short while later and start to wander the quiet streets. "I thought you'd want to be back in town, at the centre of it all" I admit after a whiles silence. He sighs. "Yeah, it's fun down there. To be perfectly honest though, as stupid as it sounds, I actually prefer just spending time with you. My favourite killjoy. God, I've gotten domestic" J replies, looking embarrassed. It's adorable. "Geez, you must be crazier than we all thought" I tease. He raises an eyebrow. "And who's fault is that?" he says with a smile.**

_"Remind me why we never went out to the bayou again."_

_We are sat under an oak tree in the park and despite the fact that we are still in the city you really get a feel for the swamp by the side of the lake. Having explored the Garden district for ages we had decided to make our way back to the hotel the long way round, picking up some food on the may for a makeshift picnic. "I just couldn't get it sorted in time" I reply "we were lucky to get accommodation at such late notice. There were a lot of things that we didn't get a chance to do like visiting the bayous and the plantations. I think you really have to stay longer if you want to properly experience New Orleans." Bruce nods. There's a moments silence. "Are you going to try any or not? They're like mini lobsters, you like lobster" I say slyly. He gives the bucket of crawfish with distrust. "Not all shellfish are like lobsters" he argues. "Fair point but there's a difference between being cautious and being a scaredy cat and to be honest I'm starting to think you're just being a big baby. I'm not sure I can be in a relationship with a coward!" I cry dramatically, hiding my face in my hands and pretending to weep. "Ha ha, very funny J" Bruce drawls, nudging me with his elbow. He takes a bite of food just to spite me and I can tell instantly that he enjoyed it. "Told you so" I sing smugly. He glares at me and takes another bite. I laugh cheerfully._

_As the sun starts to set we make our way back to the hotel, both of us painfully aware that tomorrow it's back to the dingy nightmare of Gotham city. Entering the French Quarter for the last time you can clearly see how the assumption that Mardi Gras is a big drinking fest came about. Although most of Mardi Gras is family friendly this area of the city is very much adults only during the celebrations. The alcohol consumption has obviously gone through the roof and almost anything is an acceptable action in an attempt to get beads. A woman on one of the balconies pulls down her top which earns her a fair amount of cat calls as well as beads. Bruce seems less than impressed with the drunken mess of a crowd and I can see why yet I can't help but love that atmosphere none the less. It's so alive, almost electric._

_We're right outside the hotel when Bruce suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me to a stop. "What's up?" I ask curiously. "Nothing, I just want to talk. I need to ask you something" he says, his face difficult to read. I start to feel nervous. "Sure. What do you want to ask me?" I reply, almost shouting to be heard over the loud music. There's a pause whilst Bruce takes a deep breath._

_"Knock knock."_

_I freeze in complete confusion. What the hell?! Has he finally lost it? I stare at him worriedly. Perhaps he's ill. Maybe he got food poisoning from eating a dodgy crawfish. "Who's there?" I ask tentatively. I could never resist a knock knock joke, no matter what the circumstances. "Marry" he says, a huge smile on his face. He's really starting to freak me out now. Perhaps he's been possessed by an evil voodoo spirit. Perhaps I should slap him, snap him out of it. That will have to wait though. You can't leave a joke unfinished._

_"Marry who?"_

_"Marry me?"_

_He's down on one knee. He's holding a ring. My mind goes blank and just stare at him open mouthed. Then it finally sinks in. Bruce Wayne/Batman just proposed to me at Mardi Gras with a bad knock knock joke! It's the most wonderfully dorky and romantic thing ever. I throw myself onto him and hug him tight. At first I think I'm just crying but I then realise that I'm screaming and crying too. I feel him tense up. "Umm J... just to clarify, what answer is this again?" he asks nervously. I take a deep, steadying break and manage to calm myself down enough to finally answer properly. "It's a yes" I breath, leaning in and kissing him slowly and lovingly._

_"How long have you been planning this?" I ask we eventually make our way inside. "I've been carrying the ring around with me ever since we got together but the decision to actually propose didn't happen until this morning when I realised what you've been trying to show me since we first met. That I can't live with out you" he says with a huge yet slightly embarrassed smile. There's a peaceful silence for a while as we both start to realise what this means. Looking down at my hand I take the time to examine the ring that is glistening upon my finger. Ornate and old it's set with three sparkling diamonds._

_"It was my mothers."_

_Bruce sits down on the bed and pulls me onto his lap, burying his face in my shoulder._

_"She left it to me, she said she wanted me to give it to the person I intended to marry. I never expected to use it though. I know it's probably not to your taste and I'll get you another one but I just wanted..."_

_He trails off, as if he is unsure how to finish. "It's ok, I understand. I actually really like it. You don't have to get me another one, any ring is fine as long as it's from you. I'd even wear and onion ring for an engagement ring if it meant I got to marry you" I joke good naturedly. Bruce laughs then slowly lies back on the bed, pulling me down with him. "I'll get you another one anyway" he says decisively, holding me close and running his fingers through my hair. I nuzzle into his chest and close my eyes._

_"It's only fair. One from Bruce and one from Batman."_

_"Whatever makes you happy cupcake" I mumble sleepily. I feel him press and affectionate kiss on my cheek. "Good night J. I love you" he whispered._

_"I love you too Batsy."_

 The End.


End file.
